When we shut the doors and windows……

It was Diwali. Everywhere there were a lot of shopping, print and tele ad campaigns, rush in the markets and hotels. The world seemed to move faster and happier. But my heart did not co-operate me. I could not feel yesteryear's joy inside me. My feelings for Diwali had been buried deep in an unreachable soft tissue which remained obscure and untraceable. The day was highlighted by two pieces of SMS from old friends whom I did not feel necessary to send return SMS. I remained in my room with my doors and windows shut. 

Often we shut the doors and windows of our rooms with a desire to have a feel of undisturbed peace and safety. We sit or lean on the bed for hours to forget the complexities of the outside world. However, most of the time we find that, in doing so, we end up in suffocation instead of peace and safety. It is because Peace is something which comes from within. It is the stately dance of clear conscience on the notes of selflessness.  A broken heart and a disturbed mind cannot be repaired by simply shutting the doors and windows of a house. The healing needs something deeper, something nobler, something beyond the rules and commonsense of a worldly life.

The world around me celebrated the beauty of lights and the explosive joy of crackers and I attempted to enjoy my silence with my own self. But I could not reach at the peace of mind for which I had stood aloof from the hustle and bustle of the banging evening. I opened my door and went away leaving the suffocating room behind. I inhaled the fresh air and saw that a grandfather was helping his grandson with his crackers. The grandson was inquisitively standing on his toes to learn the lessons of firing crackers. I looked at them and felt a subtle wave of inner joy because they radiated the light of joy aplenty. My gloom disappeared and I thanked Diwali because it brought an eager childhood and a loving grand parenthood giggle together when the sky colorfully illuminated in gratitude to heaven.

Man will be man; Woman will be woman.

The lengthy subject orientation sessions in the conference room and the pedantic lectures of subject experts for the last two days had clouded our minds heavily. All the participants had been mentally fatigued. And we were desperately waiting for the tea break. At the tea break time the door of the conference room opened and I hopefully looked for the peon with cups of hot tea but instead of hot tea a hot girl with a notebook was caught in sight. Electric impulses ran inside my nerves. Her presence was an enchanting diversion. Very demurely the girl pulled a chair and joined the discussion group. I forgot about the tea and so did my friends. The discussion was enlivened even without tea. During the tea break I held the door open for her with the most pleasing words, “First you Mam!” and she went out like a queen exchanging a smile with me. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man would become most well-behaved if the woman is beautiful. After all, Man will be man. 

Next day the subject experts assigned me a criticism class. The demonstration class before my co-participants was a tremendous success. I was highly rated by the subject experts and my co-participants as well. Everybody congratulated me. That girl too smiled with encouraging words and made my day. In the evening I was called by the director of the training institute and I was handed a note of appreciation for my innovativeness implemented during my criticism class. On his table I caught a glimpse of the feedback report of my friends on my class. Almost everyone had indicated my class as an excellent one except that girl. She had given me the lowest possible grade. Behind her smiles she had a sharp axe to cut the wings of a flying bird. After all, woman will be woman. 

(The write up is purely a work of fiction. Any resemblance of character is just a coincidence. The story may seem the reader very real because in all spheres of life man will be man & woman will be woman.)

Frustration, depression and ice-cream.

Man invents and adopts various strategies to counterbalance his frustrations. One of them is by diverting the mind from the causes and thoughts of frustration. And this strategy most often involves going to ice-cream parlours or restaurants where the frustrated individual can sit comfortably for a while; where he can easily divert his mind to the actions of his test buds. It is no issue, although this relaxation ends with a restaurant bill. 

It is another interesting thing that most men would never have any grumbling if they spend for filling their stomachs. Many shop owners who do business other than food items feel terribly frustrated when they fall prey to continuous bargaining of an unconvinced customer. However, fast food, restaurants, hotels and similar food linked industries are free from such bargaining and argument. Food is life and nobody would like to go for bargaining as regard to this basic necessity of life.

It was evening time and I was half spent and dog tired. I was on the streets of Bhubaneswar heading towards the bus station to catch a bus to my native place. The big cars, big houses and the glare of city life looked down on me. I found myself sinking in a sea of depression and frustration. The feelings got intensified with each time I wiped my face to avoid sweats. The heart was burning because of my nothingness. I could not find a quick fix to my problem. I wanted to search myself. I wanted to feel my own worth. I wanted silence so that I could start an inward journey. And I found what I wanted.  I saw an ice-cream bar. I went inside & sat on a table. I opened my laptop, ordered vanilla-flavored ice-cream and wrote out my heart. Each spoonful ice-cream refreshed my being and I stood up once again for my self-expression. I paid the bill and clicked the “ADD NEW BLOGPOST” button on the laptop.  

  

(Readers are requested to excuse me for packaging the blog post with so much frustration and depression but at the same time I must admit the truth that I feel my readers so close that I cannot find anyone worthier to taste the cup of frustration mixed ice-cream)

Although life is uncertain.....

A decade back, in response to my first love-letter, my dream girl replied that, “Life is Uncertain” and the short sentence was followed by a paragraph explaining her possible fears and inability to make any commitments. The tone of that letter had surely been full of indecision and hopelessness. However, that day, I became glad from within because I changed my attitude and for the first time thought like a philosopher. I thought about life, I thought about platonic love, I thought about the transitoriness of life and viewed that my love had become immortal with the touch of uncertainty. I enjoyed the element of uncertainty. And I could easily manage my balance. 

The moral of the story is that man lives in two worlds-one is a mercenary world of grim reality and the other one is a world of romantic imagination. Man switches from one world to the other according to his own convenience. For example, I switched from the gnawing practical world to the happy-go-lucky imaginative world and got a temporary relief. But staying rooted in the imaginative world for more than a certain period will definitely lead to an imbalance. 

It is a general experience that insecurities and uncertainties in life come alarmingly and shatter our mental poise. Sometimes they make the heart throb in fear, grind the mind but at the same time they also activate some of our hidden strengths. Therefore, somebody has rightly said that the night is the darkest before the dawn. 

Uncertainty and insecurity in life are the deadliest threats to the mental health of an individual but a change in mental attitude can definitely nullify their deleterious effects to a great extent. 

(N.B. My readers may comment the write up childish but sometimes it is pure joy to be childish. Sometimes childish exuberance answers intricate questions of life.)

I felt a little guilty that I did not wait for my friends

That day I had to make a journey of 500 kilometers. I was standing alone, without a companion, at the railway station. I was waiting for my train like other travelers. It was the time of Dussera Vacation and many people were journeying to their native places. Nobody noticed me. I was there but none looked at me. Many people used to pass by me in their own way. But no one did have a look at me. 

The world is moving at a galloping speed and everyone is restlessly struggling through his/her life. Speed has made us machines. And often we utter some short mechanical ‘helloes’ just for namesake. Pronouncing the word ‘Hello’ must be accompanied with a smile which originates from heart and ends on lips. But I can hardly remember when I had last smiled so genuinely.  

Nobody was a friend to me in the station. All were strangers. But soon my eyes got fixed at the entrance of the station for a moment and I said “Hello” with a loud and jubilant voice. I was reciprocated in the same manner by two of my colleagues who had entered into the platform by that time. We greeted and hugged each other. The least known platform appeared to be a 20-20 match playground, full of verve and charge. 

Friendship and coffee are the two sides of the coin. Friendship deepens with the warmth of coffee. That evening we three friends relaxed over coffee and waited for our train. We all had to go to the same place and we were supposed to board the same train. As we gave company to each other in the midst of strangers, our intimacy and fellow feeling intensified awesomely.

We emptied our coffee-cups. Then those two friends went to the enquiry counter to make an enquiry about some more trains. I was at the platform. The moment they were out of sight, I saw our train approaching to the platform. The train was abounding with so many travelers. I forgot that two of my friends had to board the same train. I only thought about myself. I boarded the train and the train blew its whistle and soon left the station. I was still at the door of the coach only to discover how my friends missed the train. I felt a little guilty that I did not wait for my friends. 

(I would like to receive readers’ response in this context. Because I cannot still decide whether I was right or wrong that day. Two factors are worth to be mentioned. First thing it was a journey of 7 hours. Second thing, it was during Puja vacation when all trains get heavily crowded.  )