Tearing Apart the Blue Whale

“Tearing Apart the Blue Whale”

From the pen-APN

(Every relationship has a rise and then some period of continuity, may be short or long, and then an inevitable fall. Here, I sketch the thought of a mature man/woman who suffers the end of a lasting and deeply emotional relationship and is trapped by the BLUE WHALE GAME. And then fights back to regain his/her senses. Reader’s feedback is solicited)

Now when my relationship sinks like the setting sun of a wintry afternoon, I look at the endless sky that is splattered with crimson red and see the home-coming of a flock of birds in the fainter rays of the dying sun…

‘HOME-COMING’ is a better word to say when your life’s directions change dramatically and drastically. Putting my two hands on the waist and eyes fixed at the sinking sun, I have nothing but to draw a long breath to make the dying heart alive again. I feel myself and assure that I am still alive and I am no dead.

Yes, the blissful day merges in the darkness of night. And I feel suffocated like a suicidal maniac in the half-hanging state. My heart palpitates with heart-wrenching long and deep beats. And I deliberate if I am dead I am gone forever but if I survive then surely the moon will come with its silver beams, and the stars will sprinkle their sparkling blues. So I must survive the dark night till I see the moonlit starry night…After all, I am a hopeful heart, and I still have the light of hope in me, and my undying hopes make me a star by my own right….

THE BLUE WHALE CAN NOT DEFEAT ME.

Love your world!

A Life-long Commitment

From the pen-APN

In spite of all odds, she had loved me with all her heart. And every day, those feelings of love became stronger and deeper. 
One day, when I had drawn her close to me by her hand, she had hugged me deeply. And the fresh waters of her genuine love had cleansed all my impurities. I had never known before that someone on earth could love me so passionately. 
In her soulful embrace, that day, I had uttered in a half hypnotic voice, “Hey lady! You have become my life and my top priority. And my quest ends here for true love.”
That day on my own handwriting I had written to her, “Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget.”
She had opened the letter and had smiled like the most beautiful angel of heaven and then slowly she had leaned towards me with deep breaths and her trembling lips. And her soft and juicy lips had touched mine. She had closed her eyes and our lips had mingled deeply…And then taking a pause she had revealed from the core of her heart that she would remain faithful to me till her last breath.
This was an auspicious moment of life-long commitment which had made two warm hearts one. And which continues till date.
Later on, through her numerous sacrifices, every day she had etched on my heart her indelible impressions. And she had made herself simply unforgettable and inseparable by her true, deep and unconditionally mad love for me.
Many days have gone past meanwhile; many weeks, months and years have rolled on. And I have reached the fag end of my life. My hair has turned grey in these years. Still, I love her again and again because she has always proved herself worthy of those magic lines, 
“TRULY GREAT FRIENDS ARE HARD TO FIND, DIFFICULT TO LEAVE AND IMPOSSIBLE TO FORGET.”
Now I daily see her wrinkled face and toothless grin. But she walks with me and I walk with her clasping her shaky and parched hands. 
Where the road ends or where the road takes a steep turn I know not but I enjoy that she always stays with me like the blessings of God. And I still feel her as my most beautiful angel of heaven who unreservedly gives her nectarine smiles and enriches my soul with the highest form of human love….and thankfully I say, “TATHASTU!”

The Inner Vacuum

From the pen APN

Uncontrolled tears like summer rains

Deadliest mental and emotional pains  

A deserted heart with blood stains

All in a cauldron of hellish fire

Bubbled and bubbled with steaming ire

To cleanse the soul and deeply admire

The prevailing calmness of lonely heart

That replaces all restlessness and dirt

Making desires gradually fade away

Through suffering and dismay 

Deep and long sighs of inner vacuum

Played the music and the sonorous drum

And the essential inner vacuum haunted

Till the haunt broadened the mind

And till the feelings softened

And till the stubborn egos diluted

And mind got thoroughly cleansed

And the heart was well rinsed

Relations were reexamined

And long-gone past was buried

For a new life and a new beginning

Of hope, joy and mutual understanding

Still Grateful for that Hurtful Love (A mini story)

From the pen-APN                     

As one of the loveliest human being, you came into my life and gave me invaluable experiences to understand myself and the world around me. In your hugs I have seen the friendliness of a beautiful soul; in your intimacy, I have learned the language with which hearts speak…

Today you will go away from me and I will withhold myself from you not to disturb your life anymore. It is painful and hurts like hell but you have your life and I have mine.

You carried your bag to the bus stop on your shoulders. You signaled a bus. The bus slowly stopped and you got into it. I also turned my back and looked at the asphalt road that shone with the blazing sun. You carried your bag and I was carrying mine. My bag was like yours but I carried something more valuable in the bag and that was the sweet memories of the days we had spent together… 

Politics goes on… and people quarrel over power. Money matters and truthfulness loses its luster but life still struggles... Infidelity is there; break ups are there; misunderstandings are there. But it comes with a realization that the feelings of the heart are above everything else and the signature of love is indelible in the soul for all times to come. And it is a different thing that we may not meet again and we may not hug again and we may not cross each other’s roads.

I open a new chapter of my life this morning. I know the dark hours of the cloud will subside and the morning sun will herald a fresh beginning to me. This hope motivates me now to go forward. Life is giving tests after tests and I thank my Lord who has arranged so beautiful experiences for me and has helped me gain the most from my life.

Love you God…love you world…I am still alive and I have decided to live awesomely the rest of my life.

Because I am an Egoistic Monster

From the pen APN

She was a paragon of beauty. And I was an admirer of her sweet fragrance and unmistakable beauty. I used to watch her and admire her beauty with all my heart and soul. One day the lady also noticed my intensity of appreciation and smiled at me. Her smile ignited something so strong in my heart that my mind stopped working and my heart beats paced up. And I held her hands tightly in mine…

Then one day I discovered myself dangerously close to her. I held her in my arms and she closed her eyes…

When she opened her eyes and I released her from my arms, she told, “When a woman loves someone with her heart she can do everything for him.”

But I was a rascal lover. I demanded more and more of her time, attention and physical nearness. And any deviation from my demands was meted with harsh scolding and bitter words. However, every time she proved herself true to her words. She adjusted herself a lot to my sudden whims and outbursts. And at last one day with tearful eyes she spoke, “Dear I fail in my love and I am perhaps too weak and I can no longer bear your love.” Then she walked away from my life because I had already become an egoistic monster and I was no more a lover of beauty. Her absence was like hell to me and I knew I have to bear the hellish pain because monsters live in hell only. 

I was traumatised when the staunch lady-love left me. I searched all her reminiscences in my room and cried out my heart, clasping her each memory.

I looked at a photograph of her that I found on my table. And I remembered how on a fine morning I had compelled the modest lady to accede to my demands.

My memory reenacted the incident as if it was a matter of yesterday…..

Over the phone, in a stern voice, I had asked her, “Where are you now?” Then in a demanding tone, I had further added, “I need an instant photograph of yours right now. Whatsapp me a photo in 5 minutes. And do not send selfie because I hate selfie. Ok.”

The lady was undone because she was moving alone on a busy street and she was about to attend an interview. However, that day she had requested a passerby shamelessly to click a few photographs of her so that she could send them to me.

In numberless similar occasions, she had proved her statement, “When a woman loves someone with all her heart she can do everything for him.”

Today I hold the photo in my hand but I miss the lady in it because I am an egoistic monster and I am not worthy of her.