Whitish Ash of Burnt Memories

From the pen-APN

A lamp was glimmering somewhere but its light was visible to me in the night. It was a starless night and the atmosphere was humid and the soil was wet because for two days it had rained continuously.

The glowing lamp’s hope , the dark night’s despair and the teary rain’s anguish were somehow whispering my life’s tale.  

I was standing inhaling the smell of wet ground and listening to the mixed sounds of so many nocturnal insects. In the shrill noise of those unseen creatures and in the thickness of darkness, I was experiencing a fleeting night, which would soon end, heralding a new morning with some sunshine.

As I internalized my attention to read the scars on my own heart, to my surprise, I discovered no scars but some burnt out whitish ash all ready to manure the substratum of my heart with more feelings, with more compassion and more humanity. And the ash was nothing but my burnt out memories arising out of an unhappy relation.

Fixing my eyes in the distant starless dark sky, my lips produced a faint smile and  a thought-wave crossed my mind bringing a conclusion that  “she was nothing but a strong fire and she burnt me like hellfire. But, lo! I was not killed and the remnant dusty ash deep in my heart is but a sign that I am now a purified one- free and blest, like a winged creature chasing the morning sun.”

The night had passed and a smiling sun was rising in the east sky.

A Meditative Joyful Song

From the pen-APN

With many Smiles of hope fading in despair,

With much of life murdered by unfaithful affair,

Life still stands tall with a meditative joyful song,

Of forgiveness, of humanity and a heart strong…

A Night Journey in the Fog Via Kalinga Ghat

From the pen-APN

In the stealth of a moonless night, my vehicle was climbing down Kalinga Ghat. The hills that stood by the sides of the road were hardly visible as thick fog had covered the Ghat road. The fog was so thick that anything was hardly visible beyond 15 meters. It was the month of May and such heavy fog in the night was unexpected.

I groped my limited knowledge of Geography. I remembered some content of my Geography textbook which I used to read during my class 10. It said that what is perceived as fog by the people at the top of mountain looks like cloud to the people at the foot of that mountain.

My speed was reduced to sub 20 km/hr because I was now piercing through the thick layers of water vapors. The windshield wiper of my car was rhythmically cleaning the windshield. I wanted to stop my car and get down and click a half dozen of photos in the headlamp of my car but my friend who was accompanying me discouraged me from doing so.

Getting out of the car in that foggy night amidst the wilds of the hills was enchanting but it had some risks too.

“Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.”  I realized the meaning of this maxim, in real sense, when I had to accede to the requests of my friend.

I stayed inside the car with the doors shut but I shot a short video of that foggy night through the windshield and I had to remain contented without having the feel of the cloud/fog vapors on my skin.

“Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains."

FOR A RELATIONSHIP, UTTERLY FOUL

From the pen-APN

For a relationship, utterly foul,

I staked all my soul,

And I was flung into cursed hellfire

Of betrayal and illicit desire

With eyes shut and mind puzzled,

With broken heart and spirits muddled,

I was sliced and halved,

Poisoned and almost dead,

Because you cruelly grinned,

A vampire, devilish and wretched,

Crouched on the callous desert

Of treachery and deceit

So all emotions I strangled to cessation,

All memories I buried in oblivion, 

All fond relationships I threw to Sea,

And I killed someone in me

And hoped my resilient mind will seal,

And the sunny heart will heal,

The wounds on my back

To keep me on life’s track

When I Walked out of Her Life (a one-page story series)

From the pen APN

Friends and foes are never constant in life. The stream of life proves one thing unfailingly that you cannot step the same water twice.

In this life, at a point of time, she came, shone for a while with the brightest of colours and the sweetest of smiles. Then I made her vanish from my life because I could not withhold her anymore. I could not learn my higher realities while using all my faculties and energies to hold her within the confinements of my being. Slowly I learnt she was not mine and she was a coveted prize of many seekers. She was capricious and she was mercuric and that was the beauty of her nature. That trait of her nature to become constantly inconstant added strange attractiveness to her nature and many a hearts would die for it.

One day I was also pining for her and I was fighting gallantly to claim her to be mine but the truth was that she was not meant only for me. She was just like a bubbling stream to flow into any favourable direction with instant changes and compromises but I was too hard and granitic to allow her such free course of meandering motions.

There were inevitable tussles and a dreadful destruction of the early rainbows of romance. Finally, I did something manly. All of a sudden I decided to walk out of her ways and gifted her back her lost freedom and her old life. And I walked away as a new confident man who never curbs other’s freedom and I walked away as one who can live by himself in peace, joy and balance forgetting all hurts and harboring no gumption because ‘I am what I am: a unique entity and a lone star shining with my own light.’ 

My entire world changed instantly.  

Today I do not listen to sad songs that describe the heartaches of a disappointed lover. I no more feel the pangs of a lost love. My heart is healed and I listen to the happy song ‘Bom Diggy Diggy Bom Bom’ (A latest Bollywood song with peppy music. Check it out on the web, you will love it!)

It took more than a month to digest all the pains and emerge once again as a confident man to face life with the brightest of smiles. And now I give the heartiest smiles and feel one with the limitless sky and I shine too with my own light.