This is evolution or growing old

Six years back she had come into my life with some books, innocent smiles, and the ego of being a beautiful girl.  She was sweet and well-behaved. In some corner of heart she could easily make her presence felt with increasing heartbeats. She was like a stream, dancing happily with rippling waters and flowing ahead. On her way she had curved where I stood in the world stage for a while and moved ahead once again happily dancing with rippling waters. Life was beautiful with her. Life is now also beautiful because once, life was beautiful with her.

I cannot love now because I am above the permitted age but I can feel romantic love as a shadow because once they were real for me. This is evolution or growing old to embrace other facets of life where rose does not bloom nor life stops with the after effect of a closed-eye kiss?

Then, how can I become what I am?

So many influences incessantly hit upon me that by the evening I became what I was not. A heavy head, a mechanically beating heart and a biased mind made me a second rate human being that lived like a worm in a drain. I was lusterless.  I was a dead star. And I had neither heat nor light and was slowly moving far away from my original self.

I ordered a cup of coffee in a restaurant and sat on the chair with my eyes closed. I had been to that place before and that evening I went there because I wanted to discover myself. My closed eyes saw numberless faces floating into my mental space and then spreading and thinning out, making room for another series of similar type of thought waves. I yearned for a calm evening with the moon in the sky………The waiter served the coffee on the table. Hot steams were curling up and a curly-haired beautiful girl, who was dressed in a red dress, was tossing her hair at the next table. The hot curling steams from the coffee-cup rose up to disappear in the thin air and the girl also rose up from his chair and mixed with the long dark crowded street. The girl went away but the mechanically beating heart danced with some unknown soft feelings. The heavy head started to fly with winged imagination. The biased mind rethought about life anew. And the second rate human being now shined like a bright star and he had warmth and light………..I stopped for a moment and once again felt I am not what I am. She was another influence and I was bright in her light. Then, how can I become what I am?

New Year 2012

After 34 minutes the old year i.e. 2011 will bid adieu. Before the year slips away, I held the year by its cold December hands and shook them with gratitude and love. I thankfully looked straight into the eyes of the departing years and thanked because this year I got a cute son.  My salary was enhanced and my brother-in-law tied the knot.........To write four sentences in a reflective mood I took 30 minutes. I am leaning on the edge of my bed and warmly half hidden in the blankets I see that the year 2011 is vanishing in the wintery mist and a new year is approaching wearing a new jacket. I stand with the old year and its memories. But now I ,all of a sudden, remember Lord Buddha fervently because I yearn to live another year serenely like a stilled human mind which embodies peace and contentment.

writing diary

The year came to an end. I sat on a chair and sat vacantly. My eyes were drawn to a velvety red coloured diary which I had used to record my feelings and daily happenings 13 years back. I went through the entries and re-lived my past. I captured a glimpse of my gradual mental development and experienced a year-long history which had been constructed around me and my acquaintances. Many names were now unknown to me. In spite of trying hard I could not remember those characters who once upon had drawn my attention. Some names projected faint pictures after refreshing my memory. And slowly and slowly those pictures appeared more vividly and I started enjoying my past. I thanked that diary because I could connect myself with a 13 year back young world. I deeply yearned to gloss over the in-between 12 years but the treacherous memory betrayed me. I did not maintain a diary in the last 12 years and life,which is as disorganized as a stormy sea, did not show me a proper direction. So I resolutely think to go to market tomorrow at day break and surely, I will buy a good executive diary to record all the disorderliness of my life minutely. Because a personal diary shines more and more with the flow of time.

An undying spirit of hope

On Christmas day Santa Claus comes with many surprises and presents. His distribution of joy and happiness is soon followed by the unknown future knocking at the door in the form of another new year. One year comes to an end and another year stands at the threshold with its colored wings to fly in. Many bruises, scars, wounds and injuries of the past fade out in the colored rays of an unseen future. And this feeling-good-factor at the start of another year recharges the batteries to take up the journey more sportingly.

The ending days of a year normally fill the media with much insightful analyses of the past events that had taken place round the year. But the serious analyses are generally mellowed in the festive zero hour and the new year begins with a hangover. The usual motion of the world continues as before. Life before and life after, remain identical.

However, 2012 has been doomed to be the end of the world by various sources. A film has already been made on this theme. Still, the hopes & colourful rays of a New Year overpower all apprehensions and we humans on earth are all prepared to experience the New Year. This is the human element that has always cleaved a way through all doom and gloom. It is an undying spirit imbued in the colours of eternal hope.